and they were roommates,

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FROM THIS THREAD.

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I had hope in my heart. But you still could.

[ there’s still the drive home. ]

It’s just… you’re always warm - to me. [ not just the way he makes haiga feel, but he thinks the older man is a soft person in general. ] You’d feel bad. You’re too kind.

[selfconcept]

Of course I would feel bad.

[ He sighs, not sure about how to feel regarding being so predictable. ]

It's not like you deserve having that being done to you either. I don't think I'd be able to live with myself if something bad happened to you because of me.

/2

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[ he’s happy to hear that. damn, this heart feels tender. ]

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[ then he snaps out of it and gives the server an bashful smile when she brings their drinks. give them a few more minutes, he asks her. ]

That wouldn’t happen because even if you accidentally drove off, you’d come back. See, this. [ he gestures to all of hien. ] This is why I want to kiss you all the time.

[selfconcept]

[ ...

Hien blankly stares at Haiga for a second but it changes. ]

I think... that's just called being a decent human being...?

[ There's a look of Concern at Haiga's way. ]

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[ see? this.

this thing that hien does. he’s not a lyricist; he can’t describe it well. but haiga meets his gaze head on. ]

I’m not arguing there.

[ he taps the menu in front of hien. ]

I’m just saying that’s how it is.

[selfconcept]

[ He sighs and doesn't even spare the menu a glance. ]

Carbonara. That's what I came here for, so that's what I'm gonna eat.

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It’s real good. Some friends from the club invited me here a couple of weeks ago and I thought you’d like it, too.

[ is it annoying if he has what hien’s having? maybe he’ll go for spaghetti. ]

[selfconcept]

[ He wouldn't care if Haiga had the same thing. Food is food. You eat what you want. ]

... I hope it's not too expensive.

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[ but what if hien wants to try multiple dishes? he's getting ahead of himself, but - just in case. blame his brain. ]

I can afford this much.

[ he flags down the server to order: carbonara for hien, spaghetti for himself. when she leaves, he grins at hien. ]

My part-time job's going pretty well. Just help yourself to whatever you want.

[selfconcept]

[ Hien will always want to try multiple dishes, but he figures he can come back here at any time if he wants to eat. No big deal. And he doesn't want to empty Haiga's wallet... ]

What's your part-time job, anyway?

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Taniguchi’s. It’s a liquor store. I do mostly stocking and heavy lifting - stuff like that.

[ but no drinking.

and when they settle into conversation like this, it feels like it always does: companionable, a little special. he relaxes slightly. ]

It’s nice to have the extra income, and I’ve just been saving until… I got the courage to ask you out.

[ more like he couldn’t hold it in anymore. ]

[selfconcept]

If I tell you to save it for something more meaningful, you're gonna disagree, huh?

[ Hien looks over at Haiga. That's a lot of physical activity to do at a job. He's not exactly a muscle enthusiast, but he certainly is a hug enthusiast. To hug someone like Haiga must be nice and warm, like hugging a firm teddy bear. ]

But about that... Does that mean you got your feelings all sorted out already?

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[ he did gain some muscle, though overall he’s still long and lanky. hien’s free to feel him up - ]

I figured… if we’re already together a lot and I still want more, then that means something. And if I’m gonna try, I want to try it with you. I don’t want to give up.

[selfconcept]

[ He'll take that into consideration. ]

Try... being in a relationship?

[ That's what he means, right? ]

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Try being honest about who I like. [ a beat. ] Regardless of… gender.

But… [ his ears go a little pink. ] Yeah, a relationship would be… I want that, too.

[selfconcept]

[ Haiga truly keeps getting saddled with people who don't mind his sexual orientation, huh. Hien nods to acknowledge it nonetheless. ]

Was there a time when you weren't honest about it?

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Eh? No, not exactly. It’s, uh, messy.

[ he combs his hair back nervously. ]

My ex… was really clingy and we just weren’t working out, but she didn’t want to break up. It was pretty stressful. I confided a lot in a friend and I guess he liked me.

[ his eyes slide away, not necessarily to make sure they aren’t overheard because his feelings are wrong - but they’re private and he’d like to keep it to just hien. he doesn’t want hien to think that he’s ashamed or anything like that.

he looks back at hien, eyes serious. ]

Maybe I liked him, too. I don’t know - so I wasn’t completely sure that I was bi. Do you… know what I mean?

[selfconcept]

[ Hien was never the kind of person to have deep thoughts of his own sexual orientation, but he knows many people do. It's not something he can personally understand, but he's aware of the hardships that come with it. And boy, that situation sounds complicated. ]

It's only right that you break up with her. She wasn't your responsibility.

[ ... ]

Well, did you want to kiss him at the time?

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[ but she kind of was - and he still feels some guilt. he wasn’t in the right either. ]

Not until he kissed me first - and then I didn’t mind it.

[ he’s fully aware it could have just been curiosity at play. ]

I want to kiss you though.

[selfconcept]

[ Hien pauses at that, not expecting that response. He stares at Haiga for a bit, but. Yeah? That tracks? Haiga kissed him in the car. Why did Hien not expect it despite the obvious? Anyway, it stuns him into silence as the waiter comes back with their food and puts them in front of each respective person.

... ]

... If you're willing to be serious about this relationship with me, then I'll go out with you.

[ He thinks he could grow to love someone. Hien likes Haiga enough to try, at least. That, and... he doesn't want this to be a fling, surprisingly enough. ]

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[ wait, really? wait, really?? really???

at first he looks so excited that he might shoot up from his seat. but then he freezes. ]

Hien, do I look like I’m not serious about you?

[ he needs to fix that asap. ]

[selfconcept]

Do you love me?

[ He asks, while looking down at his own food. ]

Or do you think you can come around to it eventually? I won't be offended either way.

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[ love? ]

I… When you wake up, you’re so… pretty. I want to touch you so bad. I want to watch you wake up forever.

[ his words come slow as he lays his feelings out for hien. he’s never felt this type of affection before for anyone he’s dated. ]

And I’m always thinking of - always eager to see you again so we can keep talking about - nothing. Anything. Everything? When you move out or graduate, I - I dunno. I’ll probably cry. Ha…

[selfconcept]

[ Hien will just assume that by touch, Haiga is talking about gentle actions like getting his hair out of his face and whatever else that's chaste. He refuses to think about anything else regarding that. He is eating... spare him...

But the genuineness of Haiga's words touch Hien's heart. ]

... Sorry, to put you on the spot, but thanks for telling me.

[ Hien didn't think he would have that effect on anyone. Talking to Haiga is nice. It's something he looks forward to in his day to day apart from sleeping, so the feeling regarding that is definitely mutual. ]

I just didn't want it to be something that happens for a week and let go.